Alte Hasen
Medium-Size Aberration
Hit Dice: 3W8+6
Initiative: -3
Speed: 5ft
AC: 7 (-3 Dex)
Attacks: see below
Damage: no
Face/Reach: 5ft. by 5ft/5ft.
Special Attacks: I'm an "alterHase" and know it better than you, You are a munchkin-player, 1st and 2nd Edition are so much better and 3rd Edition *****
Special Qualities: I'm a true gamer defense, I met Gary Gygax so I'm holy defense,
Saves: Fort+3, Ref-2, Will+1
Ablities: Str 10; Dex 5; Con 14, Int 10, Wis 6, Cha 8
Skills: not many,
Feats: Endurance
Climate: any Land somtimes hidden in chamber without light
Organization: Solitary, on Cons (3-12)
Challenge Rating: 5
Alignment: Lawful stupid
Advancement:4-1000 HD(Large)
"Alte Hasen" are bizarre creatures that lurk in dark places like fantasy shops or dungeons. They kill newbies and players who like new editions of games without remorse or pause, except to plan cruel amusement.
"Alte Hasen" are difficult to distinguish from other gamers until you speak with them or look at their age. They sometimes pursue their own mysterious goals. While they are certainly intelligent, their minds work in a way so alien that few if any human beings have ever been able to make meaningful contact with them.
Combat:
"Alte Hasen" usually wait in fantasy shops or stalk message boards on the internet. If facing an single opponent, it attacks with the "I know it better" Attack. Against mutiple foes it chooses the other attack-modes.
I'm an "alter hase" and know it better than you (Ex):
An "alter hase" begins normally speaking with the words: I'm playing for 10 years(sometimes even 100 or 1000000000 years) role-playing games (D&D, AD&D 1st and 2nd, Rolemaster, Warhammer etc.) and because of this my arguments are much better than yours. This causes the opponent to make a will save DC:20. If he suceeds he can engage in the discussion with the "alte hase".
You are a munchkin-player (Ex):
This attack is often used to demonstrate the inferior playing style of the opponent. It is often used in combination with the "I'm a true gamer defense". Normally the "alte hase" attacks with saying that you are munchkin because you choose to take the improved critical-feat instead of skill focus "profession herdsman". Some cruel "alte hase" use this attack especially after they watched some kids playing the game and are having much fun with half-fiend/half-dragon/half-tarrasque/vampire characters. The opponent has to make a will save DC:25 to not feel ashamed of his playing style.
1st and 2nd Edition are so much better and 3rd Edition ***** (Su):
This ability is used to show the opponent how cool the "alte hase" is, because he plays an unsupported game-system. Of course was everything better in the 1st and 2nd edition, especially the game balance. New editions are for kids, computerfreaks and munchkins. Roleplaying back in the old days was an art, because the system supported roleplaying through the use of bizarre encounter/reaction tables. The opponent has to make a Will save DC:20 to be not affected by a Tasha's hideous laughter spell.
It is rumored that some ancient "alte hasen" exist, which see every editon since the blue D&D box(1981) as heresy. The DC against their attack increases to 25.
I'm a true gamer defense (Ex):
Often is this argument used to show the opponent how mature the "alte hase" is, because all his charaters took Skill focus "innuendo" and Skill focus "profession herdsman" and are blind kobolds with 100 pages of background. The "alte hase" uses this defense to counter every argument and fun the opponent has with his playing style.
I met Gary Gygax so I'm holy defense (Ex):
This argument is used if the "alter hase" is on the defense. The opponents have a Will DC:20 to ignore the effect. If the opponent fails his save he is affected if by an silence spell for the next five minutes. some "alte hasen " even proclaim "Gary Gygax personally DMed for me" or "I met Tolkien before he wrote Lord of the Rings" but these arguments can be countered with a Sense Motive check DC:10.
The feat Endurance gives the "alte Hase" +4 on all checks concerning his arguments.
