Wednesday December 24, 2003
‘Vampires’ Attack Parisian Crowd
PARIS, FRANCE—Members of a self-professed vampire gang known as the Sabbat demonstrated the supernatural powers at their command last night. Before an assembled crowd at a political rally, the Sabbat vampires proclaimed their superiority over the “kine,” and chaos ensued as the vampires attempted to feed on human blood. Those present reported manifest “tentacles of darkness,” the vampires moving at superhuman speed and exhibitions of superhuman strength, such as tearing a fire hydrant from its moorings and flipping a police cruiser. Whether this was an elaborate prank or not remains to be seen.
Monday December 29, 2003
South Pole Rocked by Earthquake
MCMURDO COASTAL STATION, ANTARCTICA—A powerful earthquake, measuring 8.3 on the Richter scale, yesterday shook the polar plateau of Antarctica, opening a crevasse some 30 miles long and half a mile wide. A Russian scientific team crossing the plateau at the time is reported lost. In related news, stories are trickling in from across the Southern Hemisphere of people experiencing strange dreams the night of the quake, dreams of a shadowy figure emerging from frozen ground.