Malkav
Jacks vergeudetes Leben
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- 4. April 2004
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shuffling and muttering sounds ...
(again, some time later, this time located in an Italian Pizzeria)
VENTRUE Now, Lasombra, why did you arrange a meeting here?
LASOMBRA Well, I thought it was time to inform you and the bunch that Geoffrey and I have just....
TZIMISCE HALT! I kept telling yoo zat my name is now Tzimisce and not Geoffrey!!!
NOSFERATU Hmm, somehow sounds fiendish ... but do you always have to copy me??
TZIMISCE Copying yoo?...Well, zat my last experiment looked like yoo waz really an accident!!! *Blush*
MALKAV Hey! How can you blush?? Is that some of your `Sissitude-Thing??
... silence ...
MALKAV Hey, Bob didn't hit me!
... Baff ...
BRUJAH I told you not to use my Streetname, Kook!
VENTRUEGentlemen....
GANGREL:
GRRRRRRR!
VENTRUE Oh, excuse me, Gangrel. LADIES and Gentlemen, let's stop this arguments about names, please. Let's hear what Lasombra and Geoff...err...Tzimisce have to tell us.
LASOMBRA Now. Thanx to the inspiration of Bill...
VENTRUE THAT'S VENTRUE FOR YOU; LASOMBRA!
LASOMBRA Ok, ok, I get it. Thanx to his Inspiration Tzimisce and I just formed our own group and you are all invited to join it.
TOREADOR Hmm, how if you tell us, what your new group is all about?
MALKAV I know it! I know it! It's got something to do with dirty hands or so...or were they black?
SUTHEK DIRTY you sssay? Ssssoundsss sssplendid to me...isss there a posssibility to have a possst asss religiousss exssspert or perhapsss sssome busssinesss with drugsss???
TOREADOR Ah, that sound just like you, Suthek. Always taking chances without paying heed to the moral aspects of your deeds! ...oh, How DECADENT!
BRUJAH You tell us something about decadence, Toreador???
(Biff, punch, a brawl ensues followed by unbelieving silence)
TOREADOR Thanx Malkav. I aspire to true art and beauty...what has that got to do with decadence???
SUTHEK Do you really want an anssswer to sssat quessstion, Ssssir? Sssse Cossst for it isss not too high...let'sss dissscusss sssat later, yesss? Hmmm...Decadenssssss......
LASOMBRA AS I was about to say - you all remember those three witches on the hilltop in MacBeth?
MALKAV Sure! Nice Chicks, but they lacked hygienics...
GANGREL (Grrrowwwlllll)
TOREADOR Don't get upset, Gangrel. Malkav didn't mean it personal, I'm sure...but please let me say one thing without getting physical, you COULD do a little bit more about your hair...it's so ...hmm...MESSY! And since we ladies have to help each other in this world dominated by men...
VENTRUE Toreador! Ladies? But you are a ma...oh, I think I understand.
(cough, cough)
(whispered)
TOREADOR One more thing, Gangrel...DO you do it doggy style??
(Rip, Tear, Mangle, Shred)
TOREADOR OUCH! That hurt.....AHHHH! The IGNORANCE! That dress was Brand new And Unique! It was a present from my lov...ahh, dear friend Gaultier! The LOSS to humanity!
(Malkav and Brujah look at each other...suddenly bursting out with laughter)
TOREADOR Oh, you BARBARIANS! Can't you let a woman mourn about a deep loss? You... you... ANIMALS!
LASOMBRA Very ...decorative..., those slashes, Gangrel. NOW, back to those witches. Their meetings were called "Sabbats" ...
TREMERE Did someone just mention witches?
TZIMISCE Vat the Hel are YOU doing here?
TREMERE Uhhm...well...Saulot sent me as his holiday replacement...hmmmhmmmm.
HASSAM Holiday...yes, one could call it that...(Grin)
VENTRUE You mean, you are here to give Saulot the Memos later, Tremere? Show me the papers he surely gave you!
TREMERE (Hypnotical Voice): YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE MY PAPERS!
VENTRUE Hmm, I don't need to see your papers...
TREMERE THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FO...yikes. (Wrong time again. My pastlife as an Oracle of time keeps haunting me).
GIOVANNIHere, your Pizza, Lasombra! (Whispered):Tremere, perhaps we could solve that problem... the haunting I mean... (twinkle)
TREMERE (whispers back) HOW CAN YOU READ MY THOUGHTS?
LASOMBRA PIZZA? WITH GARLICK? WHO DID ORDER TH... MALKAV!
MALKAV I didn't do it, it was Bob, trying to protest against the establishment again!
... Biff ...
BRUJAH Stop telling lies about me! Are you mad, Malkav?
(silence)
(more silence)
BRUJAH Ok, ok, stupid question... but he just pushes me to the edge...
LASOMBRA ...WHAT brings us back to business. If any of you doesn't want to be pushed around by someone we all know, he... or she is welcome to participate.
MALKAV MEEE, MEEEE!
TZIMISCE Errr, I zink we should set at least SOME limitationz to who joinz and who not.
SUTEKH Let me tell you sssat I have had ENOUGH of your sssmall sssquabellsss, and sssat I will ssseek my own way in ssse desssertsss... perhapsss in egypt...and when I return I will dessstroy you all and be proclaimed asss a GOD! I will rule SSSUPREME! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!!
MALKAV Narf!
VENTRUE Sutekh, just because you have had a lisp since you were a kid doesn't mean you have to go nuts!
LASOMBRA AND STOP STANDING ON MY PIZZA!!!
MALKAV Seems more like an 'Oh God' to me , anyway...
... SMAK!!!
BRUJAH Hey, Sutekh, that's my job!
... Biff ...
BRUJAH Ahhh, that feels better...
Waitress Ah, is there a Mr. Ventrue here? I've got a pizza here for him...a Garlic Special...
... Baff ...
MALKAV HEY VENTRUE, why the hell did you just hit me? Hmm, what's this warm stuff in my mouth?... Tastes good... Juck, it's blood! Gross! (Ok ok, we know you all know that we know that you all know that joke, but we just couldn't resist!)
VENTRUE Malkav, stop mucking about with pizza! And has anybody seen that Tremere character?
BRUJAH It wasn't Malkav... I've been watching him...
HASSAM Um, yeah. Tremere... vanished... to the toilets... with the waitress... by the way, has anyone seen Ravnos tonite? I'm beginning to have suspicions about the pizza... it can't be Malkav...
MALKAV Too true! It wasn't any of us!
HASSAM ...'cause he's too daft to think of it!
baff ...
Shocked silence
MALKAV Owch, my hand hurts!
HASSAM Don'd dry dad again, Nudboy...by de by, can I ged my fagsh... ummm...fangsh back...dey are shduck in de back of your hand? (plop,plop) Thanx.
MALKAV Oh, sure, old man...IF you come down from your mountain once in a while to visit me and Mr. Socko! Visiting times are from...
BRUJAH Mountain? Like in 'A Mountain of shi...'
HASSAM DON'T PUSH IT! At least MY Moutain wasn't destroyed, unlike a certain village you once knew...
... BAFF ...
BRUJAH THAT WAS FOR CARTHAGE, VENTRUE, YOU CAPITALIST SWINE!!!
VENTRUE OWW, VAT URT!...(Hypnotical Voice): Where did you say that mountain was, Hassam?
HASSAM Oh, that's hard to tell.....best you take this map to Alamut....
NOSFERATU Wow, how can 11 people be THAT stupid?....oh, with Malkav it's 33...but still not enough...
SUTEKH:
Ah, I hear dissssssatisssfaction out of sssat...perhapsss you want to follow me in my quessst to sssupressssss mankind and become GODSSS OF BLOOD!
(A rather pale waitress arrives to serve more Pizzas...)
TREMERE Did I miss anything? And where did this MEGA-GARLIC-PIZZA (TM) come from?
NOSFERATU HEY, there's a RAT on mine, how GROSS!
RAVNOS Hey, I ain't no rat, Ralph! My new illusions seems to work quite well.....How did you like your pizzas?? ... Restaurant closes due to heavy fighting, heavy shouting and general unsocial behavior ...
(again, some time later, this time located in an Italian Pizzeria)
VENTRUE Now, Lasombra, why did you arrange a meeting here?
LASOMBRA Well, I thought it was time to inform you and the bunch that Geoffrey and I have just....
TZIMISCE HALT! I kept telling yoo zat my name is now Tzimisce and not Geoffrey!!!
NOSFERATU Hmm, somehow sounds fiendish ... but do you always have to copy me??
TZIMISCE Copying yoo?...Well, zat my last experiment looked like yoo waz really an accident!!! *Blush*
MALKAV Hey! How can you blush?? Is that some of your `Sissitude-Thing??
... silence ...
MALKAV Hey, Bob didn't hit me!
... Baff ...
BRUJAH I told you not to use my Streetname, Kook!
VENTRUEGentlemen....
GANGREL:
GRRRRRRR!
VENTRUE Oh, excuse me, Gangrel. LADIES and Gentlemen, let's stop this arguments about names, please. Let's hear what Lasombra and Geoff...err...Tzimisce have to tell us.
LASOMBRA Now. Thanx to the inspiration of Bill...
VENTRUE THAT'S VENTRUE FOR YOU; LASOMBRA!
LASOMBRA Ok, ok, I get it. Thanx to his Inspiration Tzimisce and I just formed our own group and you are all invited to join it.
TOREADOR Hmm, how if you tell us, what your new group is all about?
MALKAV I know it! I know it! It's got something to do with dirty hands or so...or were they black?
SUTHEK DIRTY you sssay? Ssssoundsss sssplendid to me...isss there a posssibility to have a possst asss religiousss exssspert or perhapsss sssome busssinesss with drugsss???
TOREADOR Ah, that sound just like you, Suthek. Always taking chances without paying heed to the moral aspects of your deeds! ...oh, How DECADENT!
BRUJAH You tell us something about decadence, Toreador???
(Biff, punch, a brawl ensues followed by unbelieving silence)
TOREADOR Thanx Malkav. I aspire to true art and beauty...what has that got to do with decadence???
SUTHEK Do you really want an anssswer to sssat quessstion, Ssssir? Sssse Cossst for it isss not too high...let'sss dissscusss sssat later, yesss? Hmmm...Decadenssssss......
LASOMBRA AS I was about to say - you all remember those three witches on the hilltop in MacBeth?
MALKAV Sure! Nice Chicks, but they lacked hygienics...
GANGREL (Grrrowwwlllll)
TOREADOR Don't get upset, Gangrel. Malkav didn't mean it personal, I'm sure...but please let me say one thing without getting physical, you COULD do a little bit more about your hair...it's so ...hmm...MESSY! And since we ladies have to help each other in this world dominated by men...
VENTRUE Toreador! Ladies? But you are a ma...oh, I think I understand.
(cough, cough)
(whispered)
TOREADOR One more thing, Gangrel...DO you do it doggy style??
(Rip, Tear, Mangle, Shred)
TOREADOR OUCH! That hurt.....AHHHH! The IGNORANCE! That dress was Brand new And Unique! It was a present from my lov...ahh, dear friend Gaultier! The LOSS to humanity!
(Malkav and Brujah look at each other...suddenly bursting out with laughter)
TOREADOR Oh, you BARBARIANS! Can't you let a woman mourn about a deep loss? You... you... ANIMALS!
LASOMBRA Very ...decorative..., those slashes, Gangrel. NOW, back to those witches. Their meetings were called "Sabbats" ...
TREMERE Did someone just mention witches?
TZIMISCE Vat the Hel are YOU doing here?
TREMERE Uhhm...well...Saulot sent me as his holiday replacement...hmmmhmmmm.
HASSAM Holiday...yes, one could call it that...(Grin)
VENTRUE You mean, you are here to give Saulot the Memos later, Tremere? Show me the papers he surely gave you!
TREMERE (Hypnotical Voice): YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE MY PAPERS!
VENTRUE Hmm, I don't need to see your papers...
TREMERE THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FO...yikes. (Wrong time again. My pastlife as an Oracle of time keeps haunting me).
GIOVANNIHere, your Pizza, Lasombra! (Whispered):Tremere, perhaps we could solve that problem... the haunting I mean... (twinkle)
TREMERE (whispers back) HOW CAN YOU READ MY THOUGHTS?
LASOMBRA PIZZA? WITH GARLICK? WHO DID ORDER TH... MALKAV!
MALKAV I didn't do it, it was Bob, trying to protest against the establishment again!
... Biff ...
BRUJAH Stop telling lies about me! Are you mad, Malkav?
(silence)
(more silence)
BRUJAH Ok, ok, stupid question... but he just pushes me to the edge...
LASOMBRA ...WHAT brings us back to business. If any of you doesn't want to be pushed around by someone we all know, he... or she is welcome to participate.
MALKAV MEEE, MEEEE!
TZIMISCE Errr, I zink we should set at least SOME limitationz to who joinz and who not.
SUTEKH Let me tell you sssat I have had ENOUGH of your sssmall sssquabellsss, and sssat I will ssseek my own way in ssse desssertsss... perhapsss in egypt...and when I return I will dessstroy you all and be proclaimed asss a GOD! I will rule SSSUPREME! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!!
MALKAV Narf!
VENTRUE Sutekh, just because you have had a lisp since you were a kid doesn't mean you have to go nuts!
LASOMBRA AND STOP STANDING ON MY PIZZA!!!
MALKAV Seems more like an 'Oh God' to me , anyway...
... SMAK!!!
BRUJAH Hey, Sutekh, that's my job!
... Biff ...
BRUJAH Ahhh, that feels better...
Waitress Ah, is there a Mr. Ventrue here? I've got a pizza here for him...a Garlic Special...
... Baff ...
MALKAV HEY VENTRUE, why the hell did you just hit me? Hmm, what's this warm stuff in my mouth?... Tastes good... Juck, it's blood! Gross! (Ok ok, we know you all know that we know that you all know that joke, but we just couldn't resist!)
VENTRUE Malkav, stop mucking about with pizza! And has anybody seen that Tremere character?
BRUJAH It wasn't Malkav... I've been watching him...
HASSAM Um, yeah. Tremere... vanished... to the toilets... with the waitress... by the way, has anyone seen Ravnos tonite? I'm beginning to have suspicions about the pizza... it can't be Malkav...
MALKAV Too true! It wasn't any of us!
HASSAM ...'cause he's too daft to think of it!
baff ...
Shocked silence
MALKAV Owch, my hand hurts!
HASSAM Don'd dry dad again, Nudboy...by de by, can I ged my fagsh... ummm...fangsh back...dey are shduck in de back of your hand? (plop,plop) Thanx.
MALKAV Oh, sure, old man...IF you come down from your mountain once in a while to visit me and Mr. Socko! Visiting times are from...
BRUJAH Mountain? Like in 'A Mountain of shi...'
HASSAM DON'T PUSH IT! At least MY Moutain wasn't destroyed, unlike a certain village you once knew...
... BAFF ...
BRUJAH THAT WAS FOR CARTHAGE, VENTRUE, YOU CAPITALIST SWINE!!!
VENTRUE OWW, VAT URT!...(Hypnotical Voice): Where did you say that mountain was, Hassam?
HASSAM Oh, that's hard to tell.....best you take this map to Alamut....
NOSFERATU Wow, how can 11 people be THAT stupid?....oh, with Malkav it's 33...but still not enough...
SUTEKH:
Ah, I hear dissssssatisssfaction out of sssat...perhapsss you want to follow me in my quessst to sssupressssss mankind and become GODSSS OF BLOOD!
(A rather pale waitress arrives to serve more Pizzas...)
TREMERE Did I miss anything? And where did this MEGA-GARLIC-PIZZA (TM) come from?
NOSFERATU HEY, there's a RAT on mine, how GROSS!
RAVNOS Hey, I ain't no rat, Ralph! My new illusions seems to work quite well.....How did you like your pizzas?? ... Restaurant closes due to heavy fighting, heavy shouting and general unsocial behavior ...
